Why Relationships Are Like DIY Projects: Messy, Hard Work, and Absolutely Worth It

A Love That Lasts 49 Years

Today, my parents are celebrating their 49th wedding anniversary. Nearly five decades of building a life together — and still, they hold hands, laugh at each other’s quirks, and know how to weather life’s storms as a team. It’s the kind of love that looks effortless from the outside, but I know better and they'd be the first to acknowledge it's anything but effortless. I’ve seen them disagree, struggle, compromise, rebuild, and come out stronger on the other side.

Watching them has been a real-life masterclass in what it takes for love to last — and while my own path hasn’t mirrored theirs, I’ve learned so much from their journey. If I’ve learned anything about relationships, it’s this: the ones worth having are the ones worth working on.

Relationships — like DIY projects — are often messy, complicated, and leave you wondering at times if you’re in over your head. But when you love someone — truly, deeply — the idea of quitting becomes unthinkable. Why?Because that person isn’t just your partner — they’re your best friend, your teammate, your home.

The Blueprint: Why Relationships Take Real Work

Think about the last DIY project you started. Maybe it was assembling furniture from a flat-pack box, painting a room, or trying to build something from scratch. You probably started off optimistic, tools in hand, imagining the beautiful end result. Then the reality hit — missing screws, confusing instructions, uneven pieces, maybe even a moment of near-defeat.

Relationships begin the same way — with excitement, butterflies, and a vision of what the future could look like, but eventually, the real work begins. You start to discover each other’s flaws, the past hurts, the miscommunications, and the hard conversations. It’s in those moments — when the honeymoon glow fades — that love either deepens or dissolves.

My parents didn’t last 49 years because everything was easy. They lasted because they chose each other over and over, again and again. Through job changes, moving away from family and friends many times, raising kids, health scares, family challenges — they never walked away. They kept showing up and they did it together.

Hitting the Wall: When You Want to Quit

In any DIY project, there’s that moment when you hit the wall — figuratively or literally. You get frustrated. Things don’t go as planned. You’re tired, overwhelmed, and maybe even angry. You ask yourself, “Why did I even start this?” If you've ever attempted a Pinterest project, you know what I'm talking about.

I’ve felt that in relationships too. The part where things get uncomfortable. When it feels easier to walk away than to stay and work it out. Wanting things to work out but knowing both parties have to want to stay committed at the same time in order for that to pan out. I’ve cried over breakups, questioned my worth, and wondered if I’d ever find the kind of love and commitment I saw modeled by my parents. Watching them, I’ve learned the desire to quit doesn’t mean it’s over — it just means something needs fixing. Just like sanding a rough edge or tightening a loose screw, you can work through the cracks if both people are willing to pick up the tools.

Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

One thing that amazes me about my parents is how well they complement each other, despite being very different people. My mom is more in the moment and a dreamer. My dad is steady and methodical. Where one is weak, the other is strong. That synergy didn’t happen overnight — it happened through practice, through showing up for each other again and again.

In a DIY project, things go much smoother when two people work in sync. One person holds the board while the other drills. One reads the instructions while the other assembles. You rely on each other. You trust that you’re building the same thing, even if you’re approaching it differently. The same goes for love. Real love isn’t 50/50 — it’s 100/100. The idea of quitting shouldn't be a thought but both people have to be fully in and when that happens, magic does too.

The Finished Project: Something You Built Together

The best part of finishing a DIY project isn’t just the final product — it’s the pride you feel knowing you did it. You pushed through the frustration, the doubts, and the mess. You created something functional, beautiful, unique, special and yours.

From what they’ve told me-that’s what lasting love feels like too. The small victories. The shared memories. The trust that grows deeper with every challenge faced together. It’s not about being perfect or never fighting — it’s about knowing your person will still be there on the other side of the argument, willing to rebuild with you. It’s knowing neither of you have it all figured out but no matter what-you don’t want to live life without one another in it.

I may not have the 49-year love story, but I know what it takes to get there. And I know this for sure: when you love someone deeply, you don’t quit — because life without them isn’t even a question.

Relationship “Tools” That Keep You Building

Here are a few things I’ve learned — from my parents and my own relationships — that keeps love strong, even when things get tough:

• Communication is the power drill: Without it, everything falls apart. Say how you feel. Listen. Be willing to understand, not just respond.

• Patience is the leveler: Things won’t always be balanced. You’ll go through uneven seasons. Patience keeps you grounded.

• Humor is the tape measure: It stretches things out and helps you not take everything so seriously. Laugh together — often.

• Grace is the sandpaper: You’ll both be rough around the edges sometimes. Grace smooths things over and reminds you that imperfection is human.

• Commitment is the glue: Love isn’t always a feeling — sometimes it’s a choice. A decision to stay. To keep showing up.

Build Love That Lasts

Love isn’t always a fairy tale — more often than not, it’s a project. One that requires attention, maintenance, flexibility, and yes, even a few renovations along the way. But when two people decide they’re in it for the long haul — when they pick up the tools and commit to building something together — it becomes the most rewarding project of all.

To my parents — thank you for showing me what lasting love really looks like and to anyone out there wondering if love is worth the work: it is. When it’s real, you won’t want to quit — because you can’t imagine doing life without your best friend.

So here’s to the builders, the fixers and the dreamers who keep showing up — even when it’s hard.

xoxo,